Small Talk is The Biggest Talk We Do

Small talk (noun)

Definition : polite conversation about unimportant or uncontroversial matters, especially at social occasions, business / networking events

Yes, it’s a widely accepted professional pleasantry. To many people ‘small talk’ can be downright boring and a waste of time.

The good news is: Small talk doesn’t have to be a dreaded pain. How? I try to make these quick exchanges sincere and meaningful. All it takes is three simple steps.

1. Change your perception

Too often, people perceive that “small talk is fake, and I’m genuine, small talk involves talking to people I don’t know, and I’m shy (or I'm an introvert), small talk is a waste of time and I prefer to get straight down to business". You don't have to look at it that way anymore.

View this as an opportunity to genuinely connect with people by using your own strengths. It will help you build stronger relationships and work on your communication skill. Walk over to the person standing alone and strike up a conversation. It’s kind and considerate to do so.

2. Start with a Warm Hello and a Smile

Personally, I prefer to start with a good old-fashioned, “Hi, how are you?” or “Hi, I’m Dolly,” accompanied with a warm smile.

If the other person says a one-word answer and then looks around for someone else to speak with or keeps it moving, you know they’re uninterested—which is good, because then you can move on to someone who echoes your initial warmth.

3. Practise makes perfect

Remember, small talk gives you an excuse to practise building rapport. When you avoid small talk as much as possible, you’re depriving yourself of chances to practise and improve. The more you talk to new people, the less fear you will have. You will be more confident and capable —at any occasion requiring small talk.

What’s important in a small talk:

• It’s got to be a conversation involving both parties, not a one-sided affair

• There has to be a connection - just you speaking or just you answering questions without your personal touch is NOT going to create a meaningful relationship. It will be an unfulfilling experience each time

• Be curious and by simply asking questions about:

*them as a person (their family, interests, work, dreams, passions, worries)

*their work (what makes them excited at work, how to they get to work)

*their culture and perspective

*how was their day / week / weekend / holiday

*their favorite book / movie (what did they last watch/read, what movie/book would they recommend)

• LISTEN and pay attentions to their answers. This shows that you are thoughtful, and it also says that:

*You see them as a person

*You value them

*You see them as important

What you learn from the conversation could be helpful to bring out in the future.

Small gestures, Big meaning

Being thoughtful – by just asking meaningful questions and listening to the answers attentively shows we care about the other person. It encourages them to share thoughts and opinions. It makes us more memorable. This builds on the relationship.

Focus on being thoughtful. Don’t worry about your grammar or if you are using the right tenses and vocabulary. Your speaking partner is more interested in you as a person, and that you are sincere in your conversation.

Remember this the next time you are speaking with someone…

Be curious

Ask questions

Listen

“One of the most sincere forms of respect is actually listening to what another has to say”

Bryant H McGill